Some folks do not realize that I am still pursuing an education. When people find out that I go to school (still) they mostly are shocked. How I look at it is this- why would I give up when I've already come so far? Yes, I am still not too close, but why would I have invested all that time and money to quit while I'm ahead? Also, if anything ever happened to Andre, I want to be able to provide a good life for my family and not struggle.
It is so difficult for me to be a mom and go to school. I know so many other women do it much more valiantly than I do, but it is really hard for me. Trying to write a term research paper last semester (which was 75% of my grade) with one toddler tugging on one arm, and another toddler tugging on the other, and them both crying and needing something different every 2 seconds has taught me a lot of patience. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not trying to complain, I know I chose this. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering why, but I know every choice I have made, has led me to this point. Ok, that was my disclaimer.
What I am studying is behavioral science, or psychology. I know I know, what could I do with it once I'm done with my undergrad? Well, the eventual goal is grad school. For those who know me really well it does not surprise them that I want to be a child psychologist, or something closely related. I think kids need a voice, an advocate, and I want to be that for them. If I can only ever help one child overcome some small obstacle, all my efforts will be worth it. The reason why I love psychology is because there is no definite answer. It IS a science, but there are no exacts. I love that. I can understand it so much better.
I have been able to observe many different kinds of relationships in my life. My own, and other peoples. I have seen conflict among all different kinds of relationships. I would venture to say that there is one common problem, probably the biggest source of conflict that it all boils down to: misunderstanding, or rather, lack of effective communication.
I know, it's just that simple huh? But really, we all come from such different backgrounds and view things so differently that while one person might see it one way, one sees it a completely different way. You may think this is common sense right? So then why do so many married couples argue, divorce, why do so many grown children experience falling outs with their families, why do children harbor bad feelings towards parents? I don't pretend to have an answer to every situation, but I do know one thing we are all guilty of. We are so focused on our own feelings about the behavior, that we forget to examine the motivation. And this happens to everyone.
Parents get so hurt about the mean things their adolescent says, that they fail to see the hurt lacing every remark. Spouses are so angry about why their partner said this or that, that they miss the sadness written all over their partner's face. Our nature is selfish. We first think about how and why we feel the way we do, instead of wondering what could have possibly motivated someone to act the way they did. When a child lies, we punish the behavior (which I'm NOT saying is bad) but in some situations maybe we should wonder why they were afraid to tell the truth? I think there is a balance in all things. There is a certain standard that we expect from one another but the next time someones crosses that boundary, I'd like to think I might wonder at their motivation before flying off the handle. So much easier said than done, I know. But I can't help but wonder if families could be reunited, and relationships rescued if people could learn to communicate with one another a little better.
I know this all sounds like I'm pretending to be some expert on communication. Believe me, I probably need the biggest help of all. But I guess that's why in my family (with my own children) we will stress effective communication, and I don't want to be the kind of parent my children are afraid to come to to talk about things.
Ok, enough rambling for today. What are your thoughts, if you even made it to the end? I'd be fascinated to hear them!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Elder Shannon
We just found out that Andre's brother Easton, who is on his mission in Brazil is in the hospital. They're not sure what's wrong, but if they cannot determine a diagnosis or if it's too serious he will have to come home. We are hoping and praying he can stay there because we know how much he loves it there, and the people. We love you Elder Shannon!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Dear John
So in case it hasn't become obvious from my posts my little brother John is now living with us. We are so happy he is here! He keeps my company while Andre's busy at work. And the kids love him so much. I forgot though he doesn't like when I call him my "little brother" or "baby brother" so I agreed I would introduce him as my macho manly younger brother. He is 15 after all.
Anyway he starts school on the 25th so I have been busy trying to get all that taken care of, and then my school starts on the 15th. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to juggle these things, but I'm hoping it will all just come together.
I have been giving a lot of thought as to how to decorate his room. After all, that is a very important decision. Usually I have the pleasure of decorating kids' rooms, not a teenager's room so this is very exciting. We decided on the underlying theme of Harvard rugby, or something along those lines. Anyway, I knew I wanted him to have a pin board or something above his desk. Posters taped on the wall are so tacky but I wanted him to be able to hang up some pictures of his own, so I thought that would be a good way. I found one I liked at PB Teen, but first of all, I wasn't crazy about the camo fabric. And second of all, I was definitely not crazy about the price tag of $95 for a pin board. See below:
So I thought a little and decided to make my own, using material I loved. I bought the pin board from target, and then went to JoAnns and found some great material, and got an amazing deal on it! And voila, our finished pin board:
All for just under $20! I was pretty happy, and I had fun making it. I only wish I had more room in my laundry room or something because then I could make one for myself. John will be a sophmore this year and we're (hoping) he'll be going to Ashley. We actually live in New Hanover school district. If you live locally, my brother is a great baby sitter and loves to do yard work fyi.
We are glad you're here John and we love you very much!
Anyway he starts school on the 25th so I have been busy trying to get all that taken care of, and then my school starts on the 15th. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to juggle these things, but I'm hoping it will all just come together.
I have been giving a lot of thought as to how to decorate his room. After all, that is a very important decision. Usually I have the pleasure of decorating kids' rooms, not a teenager's room so this is very exciting. We decided on the underlying theme of Harvard rugby, or something along those lines. Anyway, I knew I wanted him to have a pin board or something above his desk. Posters taped on the wall are so tacky but I wanted him to be able to hang up some pictures of his own, so I thought that would be a good way. I found one I liked at PB Teen, but first of all, I wasn't crazy about the camo fabric. And second of all, I was definitely not crazy about the price tag of $95 for a pin board. See below:
So I thought a little and decided to make my own, using material I loved. I bought the pin board from target, and then went to JoAnns and found some great material, and got an amazing deal on it! And voila, our finished pin board:
All for just under $20! I was pretty happy, and I had fun making it. I only wish I had more room in my laundry room or something because then I could make one for myself. John will be a sophmore this year and we're (hoping) he'll be going to Ashley. We actually live in New Hanover school district. If you live locally, my brother is a great baby sitter and loves to do yard work fyi.
We are glad you're here John and we love you very much!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Holla Back
Well we are getting ready for the school year and I feel like summer is coming to a rapid close. It literally feels like summer has flown by. Thank goodness the weather will still be good to go to the beach for a while yet! We took a trip to Miami about a week ago and I swear it is warmer here than it was there. At least more humid. We had a blast though! All of Andre's extended family lives there. It was definitely a change of pace for our family but it was a nice change for a little bit. I don't think I could live that way all the time though! Sushi at 3 am? While it was fun, I was wiped the next day. Andre's family is all Colombian and some speak very limited english. Since I speak very limited spanish I mostly smile and nod. The kids practiced lots of "holas" and "como estas?" though.
We stopped at SeaWorld on the way there and I must admit, I was pretty disappointed. John was squished between the car seats most of the time, and he was a good sport about it. SeaWorld was mostly shops, and carnival games. I know, carnival games at an amusement park? But they were there! Other than Shamu, and couple of small things (their shark overhead tank lasted a grand 2 minutes, if that!) there really wasn't a whole lot. We got in free because Andre gets one day a year free for being in the military, so I guess I can't complain a whole lot. If we had paid, I would have been incredibly upset!
We stayed with Andre's father Rick and his wife Rebecca and the kids loved spending time with them and their tio Daniel. On Thursday we went to SeaWorld then got to Miami Thursday night. On Friday we went and saw Andre's grandma in the hospital. She was being discharged! We were happy to see her and know she was ok. After the hospital we went with some family to a wing place where Andre's brother Ricky works. He made us some great food! I only wish we could have talked to him more, but he was busy working. Then we went to Bayside which is an outdoor shopping place. There was music and food, and lots of family was able to meet us there. It was fun but the kids are definitely not used to staying up so late so they crashed pretty quickly. They were in good spirits though. On Saturday we were at the park/beach pretty much all day. The park had a splash pad so the kids loved it! We grilled meats and had rice, cornbread, and our family favorite, Colombiana (it's a soda I can only find in Miami)!
Sunday we went to church with our friends Alex and Heidi, and their cute little guy Greyson. My friend Heidi is due in 3 weeks and the night before we went to church I had this dream that she went into labor. My phone went off twice in the middle of the night, and I remember subconsciously thinking it was Alex, telling us they were at the hospital. It was actually a good friend of ours here in Wilmington, saying that Andre's Sgt. was going in for emergency surgery and could Andre help give him a blessing? We were sorry to say that we weren't in town! Anyway, Heidi did not have her baby...yet. We went to their condo afterwards where Heidi made us tacos. They were delicious! After seeing Greyson's toys I felt really bad for our kids. They have like zero to very little toys. They own lots of books, but I can't hardly stand cheap toys. That and we have such little room and I do not like clutter. Sunday night Andre's grandma made us dinner and we were able to see lots of Andre's family. The kids were just running around having a grand time. I was able to look at some pictures of their family and see pictures of Andre growing up. It was so fun! I tried so hard to get them to share embarrassing stories of Andre, but they are loyal to him, and did not share. Either that, or there were so many they didn't know which ones to share!
Us with Grandma Margarita
Andre and his abuelita
Ava with her tia Jessica
Monday morning we left. It was so sad. The kids cried and cried and cried. Especially Ava. She was so sad to leave so much family that love her so much. She's not used to that since we live around no family! The drive was sooooooooooooo long. I know I shouldn't complain, it was only 13 hours, but still, it seemed like it took forever.
Adios Miami and we hope to see you soon!
We stopped at SeaWorld on the way there and I must admit, I was pretty disappointed. John was squished between the car seats most of the time, and he was a good sport about it. SeaWorld was mostly shops, and carnival games. I know, carnival games at an amusement park? But they were there! Other than Shamu, and couple of small things (their shark overhead tank lasted a grand 2 minutes, if that!) there really wasn't a whole lot. We got in free because Andre gets one day a year free for being in the military, so I guess I can't complain a whole lot. If we had paid, I would have been incredibly upset!
We stayed with Andre's father Rick and his wife Rebecca and the kids loved spending time with them and their tio Daniel. On Thursday we went to SeaWorld then got to Miami Thursday night. On Friday we went and saw Andre's grandma in the hospital. She was being discharged! We were happy to see her and know she was ok. After the hospital we went with some family to a wing place where Andre's brother Ricky works. He made us some great food! I only wish we could have talked to him more, but he was busy working. Then we went to Bayside which is an outdoor shopping place. There was music and food, and lots of family was able to meet us there. It was fun but the kids are definitely not used to staying up so late so they crashed pretty quickly. They were in good spirits though. On Saturday we were at the park/beach pretty much all day. The park had a splash pad so the kids loved it! We grilled meats and had rice, cornbread, and our family favorite, Colombiana (it's a soda I can only find in Miami)!
Sunday we went to church with our friends Alex and Heidi, and their cute little guy Greyson. My friend Heidi is due in 3 weeks and the night before we went to church I had this dream that she went into labor. My phone went off twice in the middle of the night, and I remember subconsciously thinking it was Alex, telling us they were at the hospital. It was actually a good friend of ours here in Wilmington, saying that Andre's Sgt. was going in for emergency surgery and could Andre help give him a blessing? We were sorry to say that we weren't in town! Anyway, Heidi did not have her baby...yet. We went to their condo afterwards where Heidi made us tacos. They were delicious! After seeing Greyson's toys I felt really bad for our kids. They have like zero to very little toys. They own lots of books, but I can't hardly stand cheap toys. That and we have such little room and I do not like clutter. Sunday night Andre's grandma made us dinner and we were able to see lots of Andre's family. The kids were just running around having a grand time. I was able to look at some pictures of their family and see pictures of Andre growing up. It was so fun! I tried so hard to get them to share embarrassing stories of Andre, but they are loyal to him, and did not share. Either that, or there were so many they didn't know which ones to share!
Us with Grandma Margarita
Andre and his abuelita
Ava with her tia Jessica
Monday morning we left. It was so sad. The kids cried and cried and cried. Especially Ava. She was so sad to leave so much family that love her so much. She's not used to that since we live around no family! The drive was sooooooooooooo long. I know I shouldn't complain, it was only 13 hours, but still, it seemed like it took forever.
Adios Miami and we hope to see you soon!
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